Smack in Front of My Face

I had an appointment to take Max to the AEA to get his hearing checked at 3:00 in Indianola today. I had a map and written directions and left in plenty of time to get there. Friends warned me it was not an easy place to find because of the one ways and small signs. I had a hard time telling exactly where the office was located but I knew I was close by so I decided to park and get out and walk to find it. I turned off the car, unloaded Max, and started venturing around looking at street signs. I figured out where I was and tried to understand the map that had been mailed to me. Max helped by pointing at the map. I knew I was pushing my time so I decided to walk back to my car as I saw a group of ladies that I thought could help me. They studied the map and helped me figure out where the office was. "Why, it should be located just right here!" All of the sudden, I looked up at the sign and we realized we were standing right in front of the office! The ladies shared a nice laugh with me. The receptionist observed everything that happened and also shared a laugh. Yes, I had parked right in front of the office and not even bothered to look at the sign.

As I was driving home, it hit me that God is right smack in front of my face and I go looking for Him other places. I keep thinking, if I just go around this corner and walk down this street, I'll find Him. In other words, if I volunteer here, or keep myself busy, or buy the new Christian CD then I'll find God. Of course those are all good things but sometimes I forget to YIELD and WATCH, and WAIT. I get so wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life that I forget to stop, pray, and watch - really open my eyes to see that God is smack in front of my face.

Today I had tunnel vision as I was looking for the office. I feel like I have tunnel vision right now in my faith too. And its a tunnel that's going faster and faster but that is missing moments to find God. To find God in people and experiences that I pass by every single day because I'm looking somewhere else.

What a good lesson today!

So Blessed

It takes rain and clouds to make a rainbow shine across the sky. Admist the storms of life, the LORD always flashes that rainbow to remind us of His unending, love, grace, and comfort. The storms and pain are still there but contrast sharply to the vibrant colors the LORD gives us. And somehow we know that everything is okay. The sun will shine again. Yet we wouldn't appreciate the beauty of a rainbow without the dark and scary storm clouds. In the moments of storms is when I learn how I truly am blessed.

I'm blessed by a beautiful beautiful son. He is healthy and he is happy. Maxwell brings such intense joy, purpose, belonging, and love to my life. I am blessed.

I'm blessed by a loving husband that desires to honor, respect, and love me. Paul will go to no ends to make sure I'm happy and loved. His love IS unconditional. I am blessed.

I'm blessed by loving families - both Paul's and mine. They both love the LORD and love us. They pray and support us in all situations. I am blessed.

I'm blessed by a close-knit church family that takes me as a child of their own. Jesus is the head of the church (family) and we are united as brothers and sisters in Christ. I am blessed.

The Lord has richly blessed me.

"Moreover, your little ones who you said would become a prey, and your sons, woho this day have no knowledge of good or evil, shall enter there, and I will give it to them and they shall possess it." (Deuteronomy 1:39)


"Before I was born the LORD called me; from my birth he has made mention of my name...and now the LORD says--he who formed me in the womb to be his servant..." (Isaiah 49:1,5)

"The word of the LORD came to me saying, 'Before I formed you int eh womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations'" (Jeremiah 1:4 - 5).

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that fully well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." (Pslam 139:13-16)

The Woes of Weaning

I'm going to start off immediately apologizing to anyone (if you're out there) that is reading my blog who doesn't want to know about breastfeeding. I will tell you right away to close the blog, sign into facebook, and surf the web because this will not be the place for you today!

After five months of starting the weaning process, Paul and I have finally decided to stop breastfeeding Max for good. Some of you may chuckle and why I included Paul. I'm very serious about this - dad's are just as important in a breastfeeding family as mom's are - especially during the weaning process.

Max has loved his mama's milk from day one. He knew right what to do after birth and has officially been a milk addict ever since. His first sign language was 'milk' and his nose has led him to his mom whenever his tummy felt the tiniest rumble. My hope was to wean him completely by age one which is why I started weaning him at 9 months. We successfully decreased the number of feedings to just nighttime but immediately became stuck there. Since I value my sleep, it became much easier for me to simply give him a snack in the middle of the night verses let him cry it out. My friends kept badgering me telling me to give it up, fearful I'd be "that woman" who was still nursing their son in middle school. I kept saying, "He's not ready" or "We'll get there soon". Recently we were at the library for story time and a mom started nursing her hungry little boy. Max closely watched what happened and then ran to me, of course those fingers closing in on his hand, eagerly signing "milk, milk, milk!" I've never been a public nurser (nothing against it - I actually give mad props to women who are brave enough to do so) so of course I told him 'no' and he was easily distracted...phew. Crisis averted. However, this was a wake up call that Paul and I needed to join forces and stop this milk addiction before he was seven and coming up to me at a basketball game, eagerly signing 'milk' after he had eaten a Snicker's bar.

So Paul and I formed a plan and started Sunday night with the "No Mama's Milk" intervention. We failed miserably. After two hours of screaming, I scooped up my tear stained baby boy and cuddled him closely as he had a quick snack. He fell asleep in two minutes. Monday night we formed a new plan and started phase two of the "No Mama's Milk" intervention. We failed miserably - twice. This time, he fell asleep only to wake up an hour later in tears, confused, and of course - wanting milk. After an hour, I scooped up my upset little man and gave in to his wants. He grinned and sighed...
Tonight we entered phase three - and so far - success! No promises during the night, though...

What I learned from this is that its not really about Max. Its about me. I don't want to give up nursing. Yes, the biting, sleepless nights, and commitment have been a bit overwhelming but it is so much more than that. I love that quality time that I can only spend with him. It is a relationship that is unique only to Max and me and he treasures it as much as I do. I can make any troubles, ouchies, or cries go away in an instant and see those happy blue eyes. Weaning is not about stopping a habit, its about accepting that my baby has grown into a toddler and its time to start fostering independence rather than dependence. As I write this with a few tears in my eyes, I know I'm going to miss nursing Max more than any other part of Max's baby days. I will appreciate more sleep at night but I hope that Max will soon be able to just cuddle his mama without the milk demand. I miss that unique and special time we shared together but I will always be him mom - and that is unique enough for me!!

Baby To Toddler

I'm amazed at how quickly Max is transitioning from baby to toddler. He's ready to assert his independence, explore his curiosities, and show pride in his discoveries. At the same time, he still likes and holds on to his dependence for mom and dad. I really like that Max doesn't show a preference between his mom or dad. I was worried that he might after I decided to stay home but I think that he's so excited to see his dad at the end of the day that any dad time is worth it.
It is very rewarding to watch Max free think and come up with new games to play. Yesterday, Max was walking along, stuck him head between Paul's legs and said, "Hi!" He thought this game was hilarious and was proud he made it up all by himself. His personality shines through him everyday as he persists, finds things humerous, and plays the day away.